Blast from the Past

Do any of you mummies ever feel like your reliving your childhood with your toddler? I do.

As I grew up every holiday was filled with love, joy, and happiness. The anticipation of Halloween, dressing up, and going trick-or-treating or Christmas begging to open just one gift. The smell of fresh baked cookies, the feel of the wrapping paper, bag full of candy, harvest festival at school, EVERYTHING felt perfect then. But as I grew older slowly everything was different and everyone started doing their own thing. My uncles and aunts celebrated with their in-laws and soon enough we weren’t setting out place cards on the table at thanksgiving or spending Christmas Eve together. I just didn’t understand. I couldn’t. I wanted to hold on to all those memories, they were special, and they were mine. My childhood.

As time goes on our childhood, teenage years, to now adulthood changes so drastically. But now I understand why everything changes and why our family had to go their own ways. God gave us grand babies, great grand babes, and children of our own. We create new memories and grow in different ways! We build new traditions and celebrate our time spent together. In a way it’s like a blast from the past because we get to relive those feelings we felt Christmas Eve/day, the anxiousness, the feeling of seeing all those presents and wanting to open them as fast as you can. The feeling we felt we now feel for children. Watching them open their presents and seeing that grin from ear to ear and eyes filled with joy. That’s what I live for. I get so excited for every holiday because in a way I get to relive ALL those feelings through my child. 

Happy Holidays to all. I am so over joyed for these next months and to be surrounded with all my love ones.


The Waiting Game

These past few months have been good but not great. Seeing leaps and bounds in my eduction has been wonderful, knowing I’m going to graduate in March is such a great feeling. I seriously cannot wait to be done and finally move on with our lives as we should be. I know everything takes time and everything will fall into place but I’m ready for that now!! I want to be graduated, going to college to get my associates degree, have a killer job, but still manage to be a “kick-ass” mom. I want baby #2 so Ivy is close in age and to see their growth together. I want them to have a close bond, be able to talk, laugh, and love together. Spence is on trial an error right now with the different jobs he has been going through. Now the job he is pursuing and can grow in hasn’t emailed him back. Email after email, call after call, voicemail after voicemail, what more can one do to get a better CLOSER job? Hassling / Annoying a company so many times that is so busy all the time is so frustrating. I am impatient, I am irritated, I am frustrated. I am human. I know things will fall into place and good things come to good people I just hope it happens sooner than later. Our little family deserves our time. Spence is such an amazing man who works a killer 10 hour days to support us with a check that I feel disappears into thin air, supporting us enough till the next check. He works so insanely hard to get not much back into return. He deserves a break. He truly does. It’s hard to see the man you love work so hard to see no progress what so ever. Maybe our time will be next week or next month? Even next year. I do see a bright future it’s just a waiting game for now.

Get to know me.

1. I was technically born deaf, I only had 5% of my hearing. Then at a young age I got surgery and it corrected it. I have full 100% hearing without any complications. 

2. I have always had a nac for art. Just at age two I was drawing potato people with little faces. I love caligraphy! 

3. I am a clean/organization freak. Everything has to be perfect and in it’s place before I go to bed and in the morning before I go anywhere.

4. I have participated in many sports but never enjoyed any. Starting young with gymnastics, then volleyball, track, and wrestling in middle school. Also varsity cheer in high school. I also did all sorts of dance like lyrical, jazz, tap, hip hop, ballet, you name it.

5. I am not an outside person. I don’t like anything about dirt, insects, wind, rain, nothing!!! I do enjoy seeing the sunset outside the window or driving home and seeing the fall leaves. I don’t hike.

6. I can’t stand the sound of chewing or chopping while eating… it makes me cringe. 

7. I always have to have my scentsy burner on or a candle lit. I feel like it’s more “homey” 

8. I wash my bedding 1-2 times a week because I love the smell of fresh linen.

9. I’m always trading or selling stuff, why? I don’t even know. It’s fun I guess! Selling toddler headbands I made was most definitely my fav! 

10. I am a VERY picky eater… I hate pumpkin, tomatoes, chai, pickles, onions, lime. I also go through phases where I eat one thing a lot throughout the week then I change to something else. 

11. I bake cookies at least 2-3 times a week. I have a huge sweet tooth but fast metabolism 😉 

12. I am a proud Mormon.

13. I can’t stand the feel of coloring book pages, paper towels, cotton balls or newspaper.

14. I am the most indecisive person, I can never make a decision, ever.

15. I love helping people as much as I can. It makes me feel good knowing I made someone’s day easier.


When your baby isn’t a baby anymore…

   In a simple snap of a finger my whole world has yet been changed again. Not so dramatic as the first time but the second time has definitely been harder to adjust too. I can hardly grasp it. My baby isn’t a baby anymore… 

My sweet petite 6 pound baby is now 30 pounds. Her soft cry is now a scream like zombies from walking dead are chasing her. Her depending on me isn’t so much…. It’s withering away day by day as she grows and learns on her own. Me feeding her is more like her finding her daddy’s snacks hidden under the bed and licking all his Pringles or licking the salt off his pretzels and putting them back in the bag. 

I knew days like this would come, I accepted it… But not go so fast. In just a week, day, second, minute, she’s growing older. She’s the same baby I grew in my tummy but different. Different in a good way of course just beautifully blossoming. I’m sure every mother can relate to how I feel right now because everyone goes through it just at different times. Just when I thought this day would be ages the next thing I’ll know I’ll be in the same spot I am just months or even weeks away thinking the same thing… Where did my baby go?

Yes, I love when she runs up to me and tells me she loves me then kisses me. I love the night time snuggles I’m surprised I still get. I love shopping with her and letting her pick her own clothes(sometimes). Dancing in the kitchen while making food. I couldn’t do this when she was a newborn we had a different bond. As time goes on our bond changes in different ways but transforms into something just as beautiful as before.

I really loved the fact that Ivy didn’t grow hair till this last January…. Because she still looked like a baby and felt like one. Now my baby looks, sounds, and acts like a toddler. A beautiful, smart, witty, talented, brilliant young lady. 

The little lady she has become is something more then I ever imagined in a good way. When I became a mother I never knew the journey it would take me on. The transformation that would occur in Ivy and even myself. I was no longer a sassy selfish teen but a mother to a beautiful perfect baby. Ivy has forever changed me. We changed each other. The human body is so amazing because we have the ability to grow, nurture, provide, and create a perfect human being, a baby we would forever love. For everything my body has done I thank it. I feel comfortable in my own skin because i grew a gorgeous baby that I breastfed for 15 months to grow her into toddler she has become today. Like what’s more amazing then that?


Dizzy What? 

Dizzy castle or a parents worst nightmare? Nothing sounds more fun then a children’s party and a play structure covered in germs. A two week cold sounds so fun, much more fun then chasing my toddler around a padded castle. A castle full of small crawling spaces that I can barely fit in, balls thrown at me from all angles, and kids running into me and on me just to go down a slide with Ivy that will last 5 seconds. Those five seconds my toddler thrives for, those five seconds my toddler spent 5 minutes to get too. The 5 minutes to get there to pick between blue, red, and yellow. The choice that would be oh so exciting and cause a grin from ear to ear. After a hurt back and a mild concussion from being pushed and crammed more times then less, I thrive for those 5 seconds as well as Ivy does. Those 5 measly seconds of a HUGE grin and laughter that seems like it lasts forever. I love those small crawl spaces, tunnels, ladders, I love that silly blue slide Ivy loves so much because it makes her so incredibly happy. 

I thought I would hate Dizzy Castle walking into it for my nephews birthday party to see one another party going on. So many kids in one little area….. Oh. My. Gosh… This party better be quick and fast. It was neither but I loved it. I loved every bit of it because it brought my daughter so much joy! I love that I could fit in all those tiny crawl spaces to get to the next obstacle because we were doing it together. At first I was just going to be that mom that sits and watches her child play but I couldn’t. I secretly wanted to go down all those slides and watch her smile beside me not from down below. I wanted to share that moment with her. 

I never thought I’d say this but I can’t wait to go back! I had such a blast, I loved every minute of being there that I thought I would dread. Even though it was a wet, rainy gloomy day, with 500 kids playing in such a small space, it was simply exciting. I may not go back on a Saturday but I can’t wait to go back with my little lady!  


Toddler time vs comfort zone

  Getting out of my comfort zone is the hardest thing I’ve had to do. I’ve been in it for so long how can I just in a snap of a finger get out of it? I want to be that mom that can strike up a conversation out of nowhere and have the best time getting to know one another and each other’s toddlers. Can those mommy skills come in a manual please? I need to do this for not only me but Ivy. I can see myself in Ivy when we are around other toddlers. She does her own thing and plays by herself. But in no way is that wrong because we are perfectly happy being by ourselves. I don’t always want Ivy to play by herself either though. I want her to giggle with the other girls, play blocks or cars with the boys, I want her to have all that. 

Let’s rewind: We walked into Brickzone Preschool this Wednesday morning. Ivy started to freak out…. She thought I was leaving her. I had to tell her over and over, mommy wasn’t leaving her. After she heard that a few times I think she finally realized I wasn’t leaving. Although anytime I would I get up she would run back to where I was sitting, point at the chair, and say, “Mommy, sit DOWN!” I think I sat at the Play dough table for a good 30 minutes while Ivy played at the play kitchen. Then Ivy discovered the table with paint…. I was dreading it but knew Ivy has never really painted and I knew she would love it. I sucked it up and let her go over. It wasn’t that I didn’t want her to paint because I did. It was because I didn’t want her clothes to get dirty…. I’m one of those moms. But whatever Ivy is A toddler she NEEDS to be one. I let her paint and she did AMAZING! Not a drip of paint on her, pat on the back goes to you girl. You did great! Time goes on and Ivy painted about 3 paper apples and two large pieces of paper, my cute little artist, I am one proud mommy because she is so happy!

After Ivy decided she was finally done painting she discovered the Lego table with three little boys. Ow ow Ivy… Look at those cutie-pa-tooties! Just kidding. She didn’t even care to socialize, she was all about building. Let me tell you my girl can build, she builds TALL towers. She always looks so cute when she’s deep in thought and concentration.

Toddler time was close to end and it was time to clean up for a dance and to end with a Halloween story. It took Ivy awhile to decide if she wanted to sit in the group or not but she finally did. After sitting down she decided everyone was done reading…. I never thought my child would be the one to rip the book out of the teachers hands…..

That pretty much sums up toddler time this time around with Ivy Caroline. I think Ivy enjoyed the last two minutes the most out of the hour and half we were there….  because there was BUBBLES.